Game Review: Pro Evolution Soccer 2009

First things first, back again, after a year or so. Hi!
Second, Game review, wtf? Yes. This game deserves a review. If you want to know why, keep on reading.

I've found myself playing PES2009 for a while now, on my Xbox 360. Now I feel like I've played enough to have an opinion about the game. I will be concentrating this review on the 'Become A Legend'-feature. Which is basically all I've played, since it is the new selling feature from Konami.

I can make myself with this thing
When I started off playing I decided it was time that my football (saying soccer is for retarded people that claim football is played using hands) career started of for real. So I set off to make a nice copy of myself to play the game with. Man, there was a lot of sliders and settings. Almost half of which did not show any sign of effect until maximum or minimum values were reached. When I had gone through the myriad of sliders and settings for the face, I got the choose everyday stuff like hair style, accessories and shoes. The contrast to the amount of sliders for the face and body had me stunned for a while. Only a set of ~15 different pairs to choose from? There must be hundreds of different brands of shoes as far as I know. Konami could really have made an effort and packed a little more into the game here. Not that it increases the actual gameplay, but it could be nice. As a side note there is a feature to let the Xbox 360 camera do some face-recognition for you so you don't have to work the sliders and things. But I really have no clue as to why I would be a webcam for my Xbox, so this feature remains untested.

I've made myself and I want to play
So, starting off my carrer, I got to choose which league I wanted to start in. But again, Konami and licensing. Sometimes I doubt they even have lawyers, and if they do, they apparently is not trying to get licenses for league names. After I while I discover that League C seems to be a perfect match for me. The dutch league could be a good place to start. After choosing you get thrown into some random training match between two teams whose names have never been heard of ever, at your chosen position. So here I am playing for a random team having scouts watching me (from what I thought would be the dutch league). After the game I had a stunning record of two goals and one assist. So I was sure I would get some sweet deals put on the table from some nice dutch football club. Not, so, fast, Mister. After the game, the only three contracts that was available was from English clubs. This really got me worried. I get to choose a league, and then get put in another? And once again, the team of lawyers smoked to much pot and forgot to push the licensees for the English teams. Only Liverpool FC and Manchester United has their real names. Bummer. Let the games begin.

What are they doing? WHAT IS HE THINKING!?
When you start off your carrier you are 17 years old, and basically suck. And you have to play some "inter-squad" matches before the manager even lets you take up space on the bench next to the sweaty team doctor who smells of garlic. But when you become a sub, you move into the starting 11 fairly quick, if you know what you're doing. But you then discover that even if you know what you're doing, your teammates and opponents does not always know whats up. I've seen keepers holding the ball so long that they get tackled and lose it, with the attacker having an open goal and the ball at his feet (FIFA 97 anyone?). The wing defenders sometimes take the ball at midfield, and when set under pressure from the opposing team run back to the corner flag at his own side and kick the ball over the sideline for a throw-in. WTF?! Who does that? There are countless of idiotic AI decisions, and I don't have enough strength to remind myself of all (I still have to take my national team to the European Cup). These small (?) AI misshaps tend to annoy and sometimes really piss me off. And then I haven't even mentioned the fact that the managers is even worse. I've seen managers in this game that put an extra attacker on the field at '68 and take him of the field at '81 to make room for a new midfielder. WHEN HAS THAT EVER HAPPENED?!

Who decided upon the music?
The people who dealt with the music in PES2009 should really be ashamed of themselves. There is a list of 10 songs maximum. They only play when you're not playing which is nice. But when you have heard the same song 100 times when getting back from a game, you really want to turn it off. Same goes for the commentaries. Which most of the time seem like they're watching a completely different game. Cracking wise ass comments about stuff that didn't even happen in the game, and the same comments, over and over, and over, and over, and over again.

Overall reflections
The only thing saving this game from complete doom is the fact that become a legend let's you play alot longer than FIFA's dito. The only thing saving FIFA from being overtaken by PES this time is the fact that PES actualy suck. It plain sucks. Sound, AI, Graphics, Music, Team/League names... Sucks.